This is the stuff comedies are made of. Christ 2.0

Posted by Minni

So much for the Rastafarian prophecy, right? Hear me out.

Long story short, this Jamaican dude, Marcus Garvey, says "Okay all black people need to go back to Africa, you're free now, this isn't home, go back home where you can be free for real."

Then Garvey dude says "look to the East for Christ 2.0." Then this Selassie dude comes to power in the East, Ethiopia that is, and Garvey's followers (and Garvey at first) pluck him up as the second coming. A cult is developed.


Seven years later as WWII creeps up, Garvey dude thinks he's made a mistake and writes the scathing essay posted below. But toooo late!!! The cult has also blossomed out in popularity.

Meanwhile, Garvey's hard fought "Back to Africa movement" is growing. (Google it to find out more)


Damn near thirty years after that, Bob Marley gets on the Rasta bandwagon and next thing you know the cult keeps on a'growin' and to Garvey's horror, his whole life of hard work to create a great black exodus back to Africa is smashed to pieces (in a sense) as this new "God" visits Jamaica to a bunch of bowing people and Selassie aka Ras Tafarai says, "Yo, don't listen to that Garvey guy. Don't go back to Africa, it's no piece of cake there. Find your freedom here in the west first."

Meanwhile Selassie, who claims he's a direct descendant of King Solomon, does not confirm or deny that he is the Lord Jesus kind of Kings 2.0. He does give Rasta cult "Dignitaries a gold medal (see video from earlier post)


Then Garvey moves to England amid controversy (Not Africa BTW), Selassie's the only one who really goes "Back to Africa."



Now, years later, a bunch of long haired confused people roam the earth deeming themselves "Rastafarian."

I swear I did not make this up. Real talk.


Oh the irony. Life is ridiculous. Gotta laugh sometimes.


Editorial by Marcus Garvey in the Black Man - London, March/April 1937

THE FAILURE OF HAILE SELASSIE AS EMPEROR

When the facts of history are written Haile Selassie of Abyssinia will go down as a great coward who ran away from his country to save his skin and left the millions of his countrymen to struggle through a terrible war that he brought upon them because of his political ignorance and his racial disloyalty.

It is a pity that a man of the limited intellectual calibre and weak political character like Haile Selassie became Emperor of Abyssinia at so crucial a time in the political history of the world.....

...Every Negro who is proud of his race must be ashamed of the way in which Haile Selassie surrendered himself to the white wolves of Europe. These statements may be considered very severe, and in fact, they are. We could have been otherwise apologetic and sympathetic, but that would have been only if we were dealing with a Coptic Priest or a Religious Monk and not a[n] Emperor who held and presided over the political trust of twelve million people of his own country, and the political destiny of the entire Negro race.

Damn son!!!! Get 'im!!!! The essay goes on and on but you get the point. Oh this kiills me!! My side is hurting. LOL